Always and forever

I don’t think that I’m a bad person but either I’m not the best, I made mistakes and I think that, maybe, now I have to pay for them. Some people say that there isn’t any person that doesn’t make mistakes, but these persons are liars. If all the persons made mistakes, then, why do I have to pay for all my mistakes and they don't? I’m not worth to live my life the best I could? “No, you’re not” This voice annoys me.

Anyway I have better things to think than this, for example, the darkness and probably the fire that is coming for, what I expected, was me. And I ‘m not afraid, because I’m sure that I won’t survive the flames that will burn my heart, why I have to be worried when I’m going to die anyway?

“You are not worth it to be my girlfriend, you are just as mad as your mind! you have me all day worried about you! You don’t think about me, at how worried I was and how was my life! My grandmother, the person I loved the most, is in the hospital and you don’t even ask me about it, for Christ sake! Listen and listen carefully, because I’m never going to repeat it again! You have no stalker, you are just a stupid girl that wants attention, with all your phobias and your stories the only thing you do is scare the people that love you! I love you! Why don’t you see it and leave all your tales!”

The words echoed in my head like a pinball, these were the lasts words that I listened in my pathetic existence, but now I’m free and I don’t bother the people anymore although I was saying the truth.

“Yes, you were just a little girl who wanted attention, who loved you, anyway?”

I wish that this annoying voice’s words weren’t real, that there are person that still love me for who I am and that believe me, although I’m dead and there are nothing that I will be able to do for that. But the torture doesn’t end.

“Alice, if you were hearing these, please forgive me. You know, the doctors said that, probably, you won’t wake up, but I’m sure that they are liars, that you will wake up and we will have our happily ever after, please say something. Please, I’m sorry and I’m giving up on you. Make a move, say a word or sing a song! I don’t know! JUST DON’T LEAVE ME!”

Water, there is water in my hand, I feel it. These words touch my heart. Hope. I have hope because they love me, he loves me and I love him. Maybe his lasts words, the day he broke my heart, didn’t mean anything to him.

“Three days, you have already been out for three days. Your family is devastated, I am devastated, without you I’m just a lost Lego piece, a broken heart and a bunch of organs, a sheep without his shepherd, without you I will break down. I told you this because I believe that you can listen these words and you will wake up. You will award us with your precious smile and finally you will hug me, me and anyone else. You will say to me, I love you, and I will thaw in your arms.

I promise that if you wake up I will be the one you want, I will bring the breakfast to our bed, I will read you my stories and sing you my songs, only to you, because you are my everything, I will push you in the swing, I will always smile when you get mad at our children, because in these moments I will know that you love them, I will be a good husband all my life and in the lasts moments of it, I will only think of you, because you take up all my thoughts in the moment I see you.

You are my life, you will be a good wife and a good mother, although, if you don’t forgive me I won’t bother you the rest of your beautiful life. I won’t marry anyone but you, I want you to be my wife and the mother of my children, I want you to be my last thought when I die, so please, wake up because If you don’t wake up I won’t fulfill my promise and I would be unhappy all my pathetic life because you aren’t by my side.

Please

Please

Please…”

I AM ALIVE. I don’t want your unhappiness! I shout.

“NOOO” Said the annoying voice and finally disappeared from my head, and the chains of it broke.

Finally I am up and I see him, I see Adam, my boyfriend. His face is wet, cover with tears but I don’t mind, I just hug him and whisper in his ear:

I love you, always and forever.